How to live with an artist

fall 2011

So you have captured the heart and body of an artist, and you want to keep her/him, but don't begin to know how to keep up. Here are a few pointers.

Artists definitely have an archetype. Just think for a moment what descriptive words come to mind when you hear the word? Maybe: passionate, sensuous, inconsistent, flaky, talented, unorthodox, wild, untamed, arrogant, self absorbed, brilliant, charming, charismatic, moody, demanding, sexy, taboo, naughty, scary, unpredictable, extreme, manic, popular, annoying, unreasonable, socially inept, promiscuous, macabre, morose, brooding, sulky, dynamic, flirtatious, jealous, temperamental, unreliable, dramatic... see what I mean? and the list goes on, good and bad.

Not all of these apply to everyone of us, but most of us embody some combination thereof depending on the situation, our desires, our sense of safety, acceptance, romance and adventure, and whether or not we are actually making/taking time to play with our art.


First of all if you are sure you really want to capture *and keep* the heart of this person you have to know a few rules. -whats that you say? they have none? trust me. I am a professional, and I come from a long line of artists of every kind. There are very important rules, requirements, guidelines,they just aren't YOUR rules. Take it or leave it, but don't waffle around or play games out of bed. Say what you really mean, and Mean what you say. We generally prefer straight shooters, since that is how most of us are ourselves.

MAN DOES NOT LIVE BY REASON ALONE.
Do not get an argument about creativity VS Logic. You may win the battle but you will lose the war. Without passion, and frivolous inspiration, and beauty, and love, and the unfolding, exploration, sharing and expression of these forces, life really does seem meaningless to an artist, and they will become despondent or severely depressed if denied the exploration and sensory experiences they need like others need air.

ART IS A PROCESS, NOT A PRODUCT.
NOT making art of some kind, even bad art is a death sentence to the artistic soul. Not every doodle or silly little song can be a masterpiece. Not every photo shoot or decorating venture works out as we envisioned it. Artists really are like scientists in that they need to try and fail, and adjust and go at things from various angles and make attempts that don't work at all, to learn from. For many of us, we have evolved to the point where the end result, the fame, the recognition by external sources IS NOT what its all about anymore. Its the movement, the process itself. The full immersion and LIVING of life while we have it in our grasp.

COMMUNICATION
Open and almost constant communication is very necessary since we are constantly changing... -our minds, our moods, our dreams, our desires, our lusts, our hair colors, -at least you won't get bored. But we need discussions, speculations, flights of fancy, "tea" parties, naughtiness, body paints, times of laziness, and the opportunity to occasionally try on conventions before adding our own twist. We need to share all of this, either the process or the results, or both with other artistic individuals. We WANT to be able to share it with you, but we wont run after you for long, breaking our own hearts on your indifference or disapproval.

FEEDBACK & CRITICISM ARE NOT THE SAME THING.
Artists can be brutal, but under that cynicism and tough guy act we are an overly sensitive lot. We love to easily, and usually completely. The heavy heart cannot create freely. Creativity does not blossom with a ball and chain, so even if our hearts have been broken to the core a dozen times, our art heals us when we allow it to. Of all people, artists really can love like we've never been hurt. But we need the same in return. Negativity, disapproval and criticism cut us like knives, twisting in our tender fleshy feelings, clipping our wings, and killing the unbound joy we need to bring our light and love and art to the world.

ROMANCE & ADVENTURE
What can I say? We need it. It fills the well. It gestates ideas, and tools of the trade like a giant stew brewing the next burst of creativity. Romance isn't always about sexual conquest. In fact it rarely is. Romance can be a train ride through new territory, it can be a slow sensuous bath by candle light. It can be recognizing a kindred spirit in an old Buddhist monk. Some of the best and most memorable romantic experiences I have had were NOT in the arms of a lover. Although if I had had a lover to share them with, or to help me find them, that would have been living the dream for sure.

Feel free to message and ask me questions about how to live with your artistic lover.